Hello, and welcome! I am Anna Marie with Dragonfly Rose and I thank you for taking up space with me today as I share the insights and messages I received from my Daily Journal.
Today has been a rough day emotionally. It started with me feeling completely burnt-out, fatigued, and exhausted. I found it hard to focus since I wanted to lie down and get some more rest. Perhaps I should have but I knew my daughter would also be up shortly so I tried to focus on other ways. I put my pen down and asked for the focus words of the day. Cry, meditate, patience, and slow down are the words I was gifted with today. As I wrote it came the time for my daughter to wake. We had a better morning because I decided to opt-out of the bus and just take her to camp. I felt at peace and was happy that this new routine seemed to be working better for us both. She got dressed, ate, drew some pictures, and had a good start to her day. But when I asked her to put on her socks so we could leave she refused to remove a very special knitted dress from her Grandmamma. It turned into all-out war! Names were called, I was punched and kicked, screamed at, and more. I didn’t have enough in my cup to be able to handle it and I snapped. I yelled at her and forced her to sit in timeout. She was upset, I was upset, and at that point, the camp was not happening today. She refused to take the dress off. I gave her her options. Wear the dress and stay home or take it off and go to camp. The whole thing was not going well and I should have just let her wear the damn dress but I was already in it and when I tell her how it is I have to stick to my guns and follow through (this is a weak point for me, her counselor has told me time and time again that I have to follow through so I did). She finally calmed down and did what I had asked. I get her into the car and realize that I left my keys in my partner's car. He was an hour away at a meeting. We couldn’t go. Ruby was pissed, and so was I. The fighting continued for a bit longer. I cried, yelled, plain out just wanted to disappear by myself somewhere far far away. I was completely empty. My partner got back early enough that I was able to get her to camp just before lunch today. I hope that she has a great day at camp, especially since the first part of the day was not great.
Being a mother is one of the hardest and most painful experiences I have ever gone through, and that is saying something. But once the dust settles I can see the lessons she is teaching me. She is teaching me how to slow down and take my time, how to be patient, and that it’s ok if material things get dirty, worn, ripped, or ‘ruined’. I can see the lessons when I can get a moment of quiet or a venting session. I love my kids more than life, but if I could go back with the knowledge I have…. Well, I don’t think I have the capability to raise kids without messing them up in some way. This may just be me being over-critical of myself but I don’t feel like a good mom on most days. But I do keep showing up and trying to be better than I was yesterday and I guess that should count for something.
Once I got back to the journal I got some great work done. I realized that at the end of the day it does not matter how much I got done but the quality of the work that matters. Quality isn’t quick. I learned that my body will get more rest by slowing down and taking my time.
A big part of my morning today was in watching one of my favorite YouTubers BehatiLife talk about the New Moon in Leo today. Here are my takeaways from those videos.
New Moon in Leo at 11:11 am
Self-Value and the root of my survival are feeling compromised. This is a day of the feelings of wanting and needing comfort and to feel nurtured, supported, and safe. She suggested setting intentions for fruitfulness and abundance and to focus on the everyday, tangible, things that bring me comfort but don’t harm or set me back. To be patient, kind, and gentle with my emotions and to express my truths and what I want. That things take time to build and that I need to take the time to rebuild, or, build-up and that what I want exists.
I came up with a list of some of the tangible things that bring me comfort:
Dance music and dancing
WoW or similar games (to which I have not played much of anything in the past few months aside from an app)
Tea with coconut cream and honey
Salty, crunchy, foods
Sitting in a quiet peaceful room alone
A fully stocked refrigerator, pantry, and freezer
I need to bring comfort to my inner child and give her what she needs and wants for a while as I navigate through the chaotic energies of late. I am hoping for a more peaceful end to my day today.
I connected and asked divinity what we all needed to hear for this New Moon in Leo:
VI of Wands (R)
IV of Swords
VIII of Pentacles
The High Priestess
X of Cups (R)
The successes you should be celebrating are not enough and they are leaving you feeling empty. There is this energy of “I’m going to show them what I’m made of” but this is coming from low self-esteem and it is causing the need for recognition. Feelings of joy and bliss are being blocked and you’re doubting your ‘happily ever after. You need to take the time for yourself to restore your mind and body if you’re going to ‘continue the fight’, so to speak. You need to honor and tap into the wisdom and traditions that came before you. They create purpose, balance, routine, and community in your life. Spiritual or religious groups or churches are a good place for finding the solace you need.