During my journaling today I found myself facing many emotions that I wanted to run from, I by run I mean put the pen down and disappear into something else. It had been 2 weeks since my last entry and I was definitely feeling unbalanced and like I was slipping into some toxic thinking. After my journal process, I felt free and light and had a blueprint for where to go from here so I could regain balance in my life.
I found that I am immensely struggling with abandonment, ego, and insecurity issues. Here are some of the insights and lessons I received today:
In regard to un-healthily comparing myself to others and my personal life purpose: I need to take the time to master things – shortcuts are lazy and don’t result in a great end product.
Take more time
Think things through
Build my own way
Focus on morphing my skills to align with who I am to my core and my healing mission.
My Strengths: Empathy.
Emotional strength and resiliency
Emotional Intelligence and deep emotional understanding
Natural lie detector
In regard to the feeling of being smothered and my son: Let go and trust! How is anyone to learn and grow with me holding on so tightly? It’s ok, and healthy, for those I love to have lives away from or without me, and it is healthy for me to have a life outside of them. I am physically and emotionally exhausted and need uninterrupted alone time and it is ok to ask for this from my family and those in my circle. I have been the one who is smothering because of my fears of abandonment.
My life will always have an overflowing abundance of love.
Message for the collective listeners/readers:
I connected and asked Divinity and my guides to give me a message that the readers/listeners needed to hear:
The cards that came:
IX of Pentacles (R)
King of Cups (R)
V of Cups
Money can’t buy happiness or fill the void in your heart. Nor can it bring fulfillment or security. It can cause you to manipulate to get what you want and act immaturely and create addictions so you can escape.
You’ve created a life that is so strict. Routine, control, balance, and predictability are created to protect you from the chaos but instead, you feel left in the cold to fend for yourself.
I then connected again to ask what the reader/listener needed to do to heal:
King of Wands (R)
V of Swords (R)
King of Cups (R)
IX of Swords (R)
Balance. Don’t surround yourself with weak people that worship you and only feed your ego. Ask yourself the question “am I being a bully?” and be honest with yourself if you are struggling with addiction and need additional help. Keep a mindful eye also on if you are pushing the boundary of stalking, or stalker-like tendencies. Ask yourself why you are doing this.
You need to let go and find help if you have any addictions you are struggling with.
All these things are ‘keeping you up at night’. Be honest and find out what is making you anxious. If you cannot find your own way out, it is time to ask for help.
This was the end of the viewer/listener's message. It may be for one person specifically, or parts of it may resonate. I know it is not the best message I could convey but there are always silver linings and lights in tunnels. I want this to be a safe space for you all to grow through yourselves and to really take the opportunity to learn all you are and to enjoy your company. To accept all you are, and that goes for the parts of ourselves we are ashamed about. Much love to you all.